the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
