The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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