I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
