He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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