So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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