just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
