well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
