I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize