No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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