I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
