I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
