OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
