You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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