I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
When did angry sex become our thing?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
