I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
