so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
