Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do vagina's smell?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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