Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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