I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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