No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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