What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
