He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Reggie can tackle my bush.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
