I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
