Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
