I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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