It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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