Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
