while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
