WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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