have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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