The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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