I skipped work to stalk him.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
