he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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