How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
only you would photoshop your dick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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