Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
