whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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