for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
