I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
