Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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