somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
