So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
