i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
