just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
