sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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