he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
