Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
