halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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