Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
