I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
