I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
