I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
