so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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