I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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