Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize