I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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