Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
