i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize