Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
