i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We left the knife in your bed.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
