im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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