Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
