I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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