Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
