Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
