the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drake has all the answers
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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