and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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