I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
